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Betrayal Trauma in Relationships

By October 17, 2024No Comments

 

 

What are your core beliefs and needs?

Discovering that the person you trusted with your heart lied to you leads to questioning everything, including one’s identity. It affects one’s self-esteem, perception of reality, and safety of the relationship. Betrayal is a form of trauma, and it should be treated as such. Experiencing trauma reactions such as hypervigilance, increased anxiety and depression, re-experiencing the event, emotional numbing, need to control, irritability, etc. as a result of a loved one’s infidelity is a common response. Your reactions to betrayal are not an overreaction, everything you are feeling is valid.

Betrayal Trauma

What is Betrayal?

When we think of betrayal in relationships, our mind typically tends to go straight to affairs and cheating. Physical cheating is not the only type of betrayal in relationships. Many forms of betrayal go unrecognized or are minimized in relationships. An affair may be easy to spot as a betrayal, but what do other types of betrayal look like? Here are a few:
  • Conditional Commitment: An example of this betrayal is if a partner declares and shows commitment until someone else or something else comes along. These conditions may be amplified if one partner pressures the other into a situation like marriage.
  • Nonsexual Affairs: Sexual affairs are commonly defined as betrayal in many relationships. But the lines may be blurred when it comes to platonic or nonsexual relationships. If one partner would be uncomfortable watching their partner’s interactions with another person, this is a sign that this nonsexual affair is a form of betrayal.
  • Lying: Lies are never helpful– even if one is lying to maintain peace in a relationship. If a partner resorts to lying to avoid judgment or conflict, this is a form of betrayal that can often lead to other forms of deceit.
  • Coldness: A committed, successful relationship requires both partners to be there for one another through traumas as well as everyday stressors. If a partner lacks empathy, turns away from their partner, or doesn’t prioritize their partner’s emotional needs, it can lead to feelings of rejection and betrayal.

There are more forms of betrayal that can happen in a relationship, but it is important to remember that recovery is possible. To heal and reconnect, partners experiencing betrayal must work on attunement and restrengthening their bond. 

Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Recovering from betrayal trauma in relationships is difficult. You don’t need to go through this on your own. There are professionals that are trained in helping individuals and couples get through betrayal trauma in relationships. Reach out to a Gottman Method couples therapist in your area today.