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Dealing With Conflict in Relationships

By December 16, 2024No Comments

 

 

When there is conflict with your partner, make it a priority to understand each other first, not solve the problem.

Conflict Corner

Conflict in relationships is inevitable. Even in the healthiest relationships, no two people are exactly the same so it is only natural that disagreements will arise. It’s not the presence of conflict in relationships that is the issue. It’s how couples decide to deal with that conflict that dictates whether a relationship is healthy or not. When conflict arises in a relationship, it’s important to address it head-on. The downside of not addressing conflict is: resentment, lack of communication, and an overall feeling of uneasiness and emotional distance. ⁠Fortunately, conflict resolution is a skill that can be learned! Additionally, conflict resolution can help both parties better understand one another and learn how to compromise.⁠ It’s important to focus on understanding the other person, listening without judgment, and expressing yourself freely. Remember to be respectful of the other person’s opinion and thoughts.⁠ It is also important to find a way to come to an agreement that both parties can live with. This can be done by discussing solutions, considering each other’s feelings, and working together to find the best solution for both parties.

Dealing With Conflict in Relationships

Conflict and Emotions

At times, what makes conflict more challenging for couples is each partner’s comfort level with expressing difficult emotions. How we feel about emotions is called meta-emotions, coined by Dr. John Gottman. It’s your feelings about feelings. Some individuals are very comfortable identifying and expressing their feelings. Perhaps growing up it was not only safe to do so but also encouraged. Others, on the other hand, might feel all sorts of stress responses when faced with big emotions. For many, feeling emotions wasn’t safe. They were shut down, shamed, and even punished for having emotions. All the emphasis was put on logic, reasoning and how one “must” act or be. Very often, these two individuals find each other and fall in love. Then what happens? Well, when conflict in relationships happens (which is inevitable) one person pursues, and the other one distances themself. This turns into a difficult cycle, and it can be very hard to break.

Building A Strong Foundation

When was the last time you showed true appreciation for your partner? ⁠Working on your friendship and romance is important for the relationship. And appreciation can really help in this area. Here are some of the ways that couples can build a strong foundation in those domains: ⁠
  • ⁠Show appreciation for little things – when your partner does something nice for you let them know how much you appreciate it. This will help foster positive feelings between both of you. ⁠
  • Compliment your partner – make sure that you are expressing appreciation for your partner, both verbally and nonverbally.⁠
  • Respect each other’s boundaries – try to understand each other’s needs and respect them accordingly. This will help create an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding between the two of you.

Conflict Therapy

Conflict is inevitable. Don’t avoid it. If you need help addressing the conflict in your relationship, that is perfectly fine. Reaching out to a therapist in your area, such as a Gottman Method couples therapist, can be very beneficial for the longevity of your relationship.Oftentimes, participating in individual therapy alongside couples therapy can really expedite the process. Do what is best for yourself and your relationship, reach out to us to get connected with a couples therapist in Los Angeles, California.