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Relationship anxiety can have an immense impact on how partners interact with one another.

Relationship Anxiety: Where Does It Come From?

Relationship anxiety can have an immense impact on how partners interact with one another. It’s often experienced as a result of past dating experiences, or even evolved from a deep-rooted fear of abandonment that stems from one’s childhood trauma. ⁠It can leave individuals feeling overwhelmed, insecure and extremely anxious, and can quickly erode trust in the relationship.⁠It’s important to note that relationship anxiety is not something that just happens overnight – rather, it builds  over time. If left unchecked, anxiety can quickly become the dominant emotion in your relationship, causing both individuals to feel isolated and disconnected.⁠ The anxiety can be more one-sided if the other partner has a more secure attachment style, or the anxiety can come from both sides if there is existing attachment trauma for both. Whether the relationship anxiety is one sided or coming from both partners, it must be addressed in order to move towards a healthier relationship.


Relationship Anxiety: Building Trust

If you notice anxiety becoming a dominant feeling in the relationship, there are things you can do to help move towards a healthier relationship and build trust. The first is communication – learning how to effectively communicate with your partner can go a long way towards building trust and understanding. ⁠Second, It’s important to understand your partner’s internal state and turn towards them in an empathic way. This sends the message that you see them, they are important to you.⁠ Another thing you can do is setting clear boundaries – understanding what is expected of each partner and respecting those boundaries can help reduce tension in the relationship. And, of course, practicing self-care is paramount. Taking time to do things that make you feel relaxed and recharged can help reduce tension in the relationship by allowing both partners to take a step back and recharge.⁠ Finally, it’s important to remember that it takes time to heal a relationship affected by anxiety – so patience and understanding are key. ⁠By taking the time to understand your partner’s needs and feelings, you can create an environment of mutual respect and trust that will allow both partners to feel safe and secure.⁠ 

Healing Couples Therapy

It is not your fault if you bring fears into a relationship, most people do. Remember your fears and anxieties are based on experiences from your past, such as attachment wounds from childhood trauma or betrayal trauma from adult experiences, or many other experiences that were difficult to process. Your feelings are valid. However, in order to experience safety and happiness in your new relationships, you must heal. You can choose to go on this healing journey with an individual therapist or you can start your journey with your partner and seek out a Gottman Method couples therapist in your area. However you choose to move forward, know that healing is possible. You deserve to feel safe in your relationship, and your partner deserves the same as long as both sides are willing to work towards it. Healthier relationships are possible and you deserve to experience them.