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In order to create deeper relationships, you need to be comfortable with intimacy. Intimacy is not sex. It goes beyond that. It’s knowing yourself and being able (and willing) to share yourself with another in a healthy way.


Finding A Healthy Relationship

The first step in finding a healthy relationship is creating a healthy relationship with yourself. Find out your likes, dislikes. Find out what makes you anxious, fearful. Explore your fears, become friends with them. Recognize your patterns. Where you learned to be YOU. Self-knowledge is empowering. Get to know yourself with kindness and acceptance. Get to know your past generations that have influenced you without you even knowing. Therapy can be very beneficial in this getting to know yourself process.
Once you know yourself entirely, then is the time to look for a potential partner who may add to your life in a positive way. In dating and relationships, be honest about who you are. Be true to yourself. Don’t filter out information, tell lies or pretend to be who you think the other person wants you to be. Value your authenticity more than your image. A healthy relationship will not ask you to be somebody else. Just being in a relationship won’t make you happy. It’s not enough. But being in a secure, healthy, supportive and loving relationship will add so much happiness to your life. Aim for that. In the process of dating, don’t settle for bad relationships because you feel lonely. Realize that you are that much closer to finding love if you are single, working on yourself and actually emotionally available to meet someone great. That’s a lot better than staying in a bad relationship, unavailable to others, hoping the person who isn’t good To you becomes good For you all of a sudden. There’s real love. And you deserve that.

Maintaining A Healthy Relationship

Maintaining a healthy relationship means finding emotional safety. Emotional safety makes vulnerability possible in relationships. Without it, it’s hard to connect authentically. Without it, it’s hard to relax and trust. So choose someone who feels emotionally safe – someone who is good to you and good for you. Emotionally meaningful relationships are built on the foundation of the knowledge of your own needs and boundaries. It’s important that you pay attention to what you need and want while dating,  so you don’t entirely focus on the other person. Another important aspect of maintaining healthy relationships is paying attention to yourself throughout the entire relationship. You need to pay attention to what you feel, what you need and want, and what your values are in order to tend to someone else as well. Paying attention to yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s the right thing because healthy relationships are built on that knowledge of knowing oneself and then sharing oneself with another.

Relationship Couples Therapy

Sometimes, a person does not have the tools to show up the way they need to in a relationship. Please know that relationships are not doomed for you, there are ways to heal and show up as your best self in future relationships. This can be done through individual therapy and modalities  such as Attachment Focused EMDR , or through couples therapy/dating therapy if you already have a partner. No matter how far into a relationship you may be, couples therapy gives you the tools you need to bring your relationship back on track. Individual therapy can help you find better partners and be in healthy relationships.