INTIMACY=Into Me See/ Into Me You See.
People often confuse the word intimacy with sex. But it’s so much more. The word “intimacy” is often described as “into me see,” suggesting that intimacy starts with knowing oneself fully and then allowing yourself to be seen by somebody else. Love will come and stay only if it sees the real you. But it can be so difficult to allow our true selves to come out when we’ve been hurt before. This hurt can come from infidelity, betrayal trauma, childhood trauma, etc. It’s hard to be seen if we don’t feel emotionally safe with the person we are with. Choose someone who makes you feel safe. There is no healthy relationship without intimacy, and there’s no intimacy without emotional safety and vulnerability. Realize that intimacy is not about intensity. It’s about emotional safety and trust. That’s where the strongest emotions grow.
Intimacy and Acceptance in Relationships
Tips for Strengthening Your Connection
- Do not try to control your partner’s actions and emotions, allow them to be their authentic selves. Love is at its best when it’s given and felt freely. Don’t let fear be the guide in your life because then you turn to controlling, manipulative behaviors. The opposite of control is surrender and acceptance.
- Gently speak the truth. Honesty connects people. People connect through intimate conversations. When the walls are down, there’s eye contact, undivided attention and genuine closeness.
- Learn to respond, not react to your partner. Learn how to self-soothe, how to heal yourself. Therapy can help. You can’t expect your partner to do that for you.
- Be assertive. Speak up for yourself in your relationship, tell the truth. And take responsibility for your actions. Don’t avoid conflict by people-pleasing then becoming resentful. It’s so empowering to speak your truth in a loving, respectful way.
- Be empathetic. It’s important to recognize, and feel (not just think) your partner’s experience. Sometimes people know the right things to say, but emotional empathy is more than that. It involves a bodily based response- feeling the experience of another as if you had it yourself.
For Information and Support
In order to experience intimacy with another person, you must first know yourself fully and allow yourself to be seen by someone else for who you truly are. This may mean unlearning unhealthy patterns, processing childhood trauma, or just learning to love yourself for who you truly are. Many people need assistance with this first step, and that is completely okay. It is always okay to ask for help. A simple search for ‘Therapy in my area’ can bring you one step closer to seeing yourself and allowing your true self to be seen by others. Individual therapy, along with couples therapy, can help you find intimacy in your relationship and strengthen your bond.