Feeling “good enough” has nothing to do with anyone or anything else. It has everything to do with your own acceptance of yourself.
Authentic Living and Anxiety
Do you have fears of rejection? Maybe you’ve had bad experiences and concluded that in order to be accepted and loved you must be____(insert whatever applies: perfect, fit, skinny, easy going, obedient, always nice, rich, cool, people pleaser, etc.) So you learn to change yourself to fit in. So you become what others expect you to be. And everything goes well for a while…until your true self comes out and you start realizing that you’re not happy. You may fit in but you don’t feel like you belong. Not really. Not truly. You’ve created an image but no one knows the real you. And it feels lonely. And there is anxiety. It’s a never ending game- trying to people-please, trying to be who they want you to be. What’s so bad about being you? Can you accept that person? The parts of you that you think aren’t lovable?
Authenticity and Acceptance
People fall in love with authenticity. Not perfection. Not an image. People relate to others who are flawed, who are humans. Can you show that part of yourself? And some people will reject you. But that’s ok. Ask yourself: do you even like them? Or do you just want to be liked? We are not meant to like everyone. And not everyone is supposed to like us. Hey, we don’t even like all the fruits and veggies out there, yet alone people! Can you imagine if you forced yourself to like all the fruits in the world the same? Some people prefer bananas, some prefer apples. Both are great. Just different. And a banana could never be an apple. But it doesn’t need to be. It’s great the way it is. So start accepting yourself. The right people who like your type of human beings will come and stay. And the ones who don’t, well that’s ok, they just like something different. It’s not personal. It never is. Our minds make us think it’s about us but rejection is always about the other person. You are amazing just the way you are.
Authentic Living and Trauma
Due to childhood trauma, and trauma in adulthood, some people struggle with accepting their true self. Some people may not even know who their true self is, due to being forced to conceal their thoughts, opinions, likes, dislikes, etc while growing up. Some people were not given a safe space to explore their true interests. If this is the case for you, I am so sorry. You deserve to live your most authentic life and be your true, happiest self. Luckily, there is hope for healing. You have the power to decide who you truly want to be, and live your truth as openly as you please. You may need help combating your anxiety and working on nervous system regulation, and there are therapists who are excited to join you on your healing journey.
Authentic Living and Healing Traumas
The problem is not that you are not good enough for others. The problem is that you don’t feel good enough for yourself. Read that again: not good enough for yourself. You don’t feel good enough for your own idea of who you “should be.” You don’t fit with that image of perfection you created in your mind. So how do you cope? You try to perfect yourself. You try to please others. Numb yourself. You lie. You believe your own lies. You seek external validation. Portray a fake image on social media. Try to hide yourself. Pretend to be someone you are not. You may even judge others based on your own image of perfection. You may be fearful that others will see right through you and find your flaws.
Self-criticism comes from rejecting yourself. Who taught you that you need to be perfect? Family? Society? Friends? Social media? Maybe you were told that you weren’t good enough, or shown that by someone else’s actions towards you. It’s painful. I hear you. When people who are supposed to care for you put you down and make you feel small. They abandon you, instead of caring about you. But do you need to continue that cycle? Do you have to continue abandoning yourself? Realize that every time you judge, criticize and hate yourself, you continue abandoning yourself just like they did before. You are more than enough. Accept yourself, don’t reject the parts of you that have already been rejected by others before. Be kind towards yourself.
Trauma Therapists in Los Angeles
Getting rid of coping mechanisms that you learned throughout the entirety of your life can be difficult, and it is not going to happen overnight. If you struggle with accepting your authentic self, please do not hesitate to reach out to a therapist in your area. There are therapists ready to guide you on your journey to peaceful authentic living.
