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Relationship anxiety is complex and can have an immense impact on how partners interact with one another. It’s often experienced as a result of past relationship experiences, or even evolved from a deep-rooted fear of abandonment that stems from one’s childhood. It can leave individuals feeling overwhelmed, insecure, and extremely anxious, and can quickly erode trust in the relationship.



A man and a woman sitting on a bed, upset. Both are sitting away from each other with their face in their hands.
It’s important to note that relationship anxiety is not something that just happens overnight – rather, it builds up over time. If left unchecked, anxiety can quickly become the dominant emotion in your relationship, causing both individuals to feel isolated and disconnected.
The Gottman Method Couples Therapy/Gottman Institute offers some tips for overcoming relationship anxiety and reducing your anxiety.
Luckily, there are things you can do to help your relationship.



Learning how to effectively communicate with your partner can go a long way towards building trust and understanding. Second, It’s important to understand your partner’s internal state and turn towards them in an empathic way. This sends the message that you see them, they are important to you.


Understanding what is expected of each partner and respecting those boundaries can help reduce tension in the relationship. And, of course, practicing self-care is paramount. Taking time to do things that make you feel relaxed and recharged can help reduce tension in the relationship by allowing both partners to take a step back and recharge.


It’s important to remember that it takes time to heal a relationship affected by anxiety so patience and understanding are key.


It’s important to be honest with yourself and partners about what you need in order to feel comfortable on dates and in relationships. By being clear about your boundaries, needs, and expectations, you can ensure that your dates are more successful and enjoyable for both of you.


It’s easy to get hung up on what your partner thinks of you, but it’s important to remember that you also have needs and boundaries. It’s ok to ask for what you need, and to be firm about your limits. By allowing yourself to feel comfortable in the situation, you can reduce some of the anxiety. It’s important to maintain your hobbies and interests.


It’s important to process the pain of past relationships. If you have felt rejected or hurt in the past, reflect on why and how this happened. By understanding your own motivations and expectations for relationships, you can better prepare yourself for future dating experiences.


Dating and being in relationships can be stressful and difficult, so it’s important to practice self-compassion. Rather than beating yourself up over mistakes, remember that dating/learning to be in relationships is a process that takes time and patience. Be kind to yourself as you navigate the world of dating – treat yourself with respect and kindness.


Finding a feeling of safety is essential for overall well being. In a safe and secure environment, our bodies can relax and we can reap the benefits of reduced inflammation, stress resilience, emotional regulation, increased capacity for friendships/connection, improved immune response and compassion. A simple way to rebalance your nervous system is crafting a story.

? Begin by finding a comfortable place where you can take a few minutes for yourself. Take some deep breaths and allow your body to relax. Then begin to listen within. You may find stories of safety from your past, such as places you’ve been that were peaceful and safe, or create a story in your imagination.

? Visualize the environment and take note of body sensations, feelings and behaviors associated with it. For example, maybe your story is about being at the beach watching the sunset with your pet, or quietly sitting by a fireplace in a snow cabin. Feelings of safety and relaxation should accompany this story.

By taking the time to understand your partner’s needs and feelings, as well as creating safety within yourself, you can create an environment of mutual respect and trust that will allow both partners to feel secure.
Ultimately, overcoming relationship anxiety requires being aware of your own feelings and needs while also respecting those of your partner(s).
Overall, understanding how to manage dating anxiety is an essential part of having a successful relationship. It is important to recognize when you feel anxious and take steps towards building confidence in yourself and in relationships. Practicing mindfulness, understanding shared values, and building self-confidence are all great ways to move forward despite feeling anxious.
With these tips, you can have a positive, rewarding experience when navigating the dating world and relationships.  Good luck!
Past betrayal and infidelity can also cause relationship anxiety. Please check out our 8-week online course – Trauma Healing Bundle.

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